WELLBEING: HOW YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE SHAPES YOUR WELLBEING
Whether you are a parent or not, your wellbeing does not exist in isolation. It is influenced and shaped by the numerous interactions with people and events that happen to you, as well as those happening around you. You are not a passive recipient of these influences; your responses also shape the system. Relationships are always two-way. This means that your emotional state, whether calm or overwhelmed or somewhere in between, has an impact on others, in the same way that another person’s emotional state can influence you.
The way you respond or react to life’s challenges isn’t random. It is shaped by your history. Your genetic make-up, early life experiences, especially those involving care, stress, and connection, influence the patterns your nervous system develops to interpret and respond to the world. These responses can feel automatic and out of your control, but they’re not set in stone. Recognising them and becoming aware of unhelpful patterns is the first step towards flexibility and change.
There are many ways to support and strengthen your wellbeing. In this blog, I will offer two tools to help you better understand your emotional state and how to work with it. First, we will look at emotional “zones” that can help you identify how you are feeling. Then, I will share a range of practical tools matched to those zones. These are not rules. They are starting points for reflection, and perhaps even experimentation. You might find some that work for you.
If you are a parent or anyone in a caring role with children or young people, it is especially important to remember that they are still developing. They have fewer life experiences to draw on, and they will depend on the adults around them to help regulate their emotions. This is why your own emotional state matters. Even when you are feeling unsure or stretched, your ability to pause, reflect, and seek support can help stabilise the whole system. This is beneficial for both them and you.
Your stress and your wellbeing
The level of stress you experience and how you respond to it over time play a significant role in shaping your wellbeing. Perhaps you feel that if your partner, child, parent, or co-worker behaved differently, you might feel less stressed. However, sometimes if you can shift your own responses, with awareness, consistency and self-compassion, you can become a catalyst for the change you hope to see in others. Emotion regulation is contagious, and even brief moments of calm can create the conditions for growth, not only in yourself but in others around you as well.
The following section introduces the concept of stress zones. These are colour-coded levels that reflect different states of nervous system arousal. Each zone includes words that may help you recognise how you are feeling. Once you can identify your current state, you can choose an activity that helps support your system and move towards greater regulation.
The goal isn’t to avoid the other zones altogether; it is normal and even necessary to move between them at times. Stress is part of life, and feeling heightened or low in energy doesn’t mean something is wrong. However, spending long periods in the orange or red zones can have a cumulative impact on both physical and mental health. Chronic stress can leave your body in a state of constant alert or exhaustion, which over time affects mood, sleep, immunity, and relationships.
That is why the green zone is so important. This is the state where your nervous system is calm, open, and adaptable. In the green zone, you can think clearly, connect meaningfully, and take on new challenges. If you are already in a well-regulated state, it’s a good time to gently extend your capacity, to learn, explore, or do something slightly outside your comfort zone. This is where growth happens, and where your system builds resilience for the times when life becomes more demanding.
The Zones of Stress and Regulation
🔴 RED ZONE – Overwhelmed / high stress/ Not coping
High stress, Hyper-aroused nervous system. Mood is all over the place.
“Everything is too much.”
“No one is helping me.”
“I can’t think straight.”
“I can’t sleep.”
You might feel: agitated, panicked, rageful, shaky, irritable, snappy and teary.
The red zone indicates that you have been experiencing prolonged stress with minimal relief. You may feel like you can’t get on top of anything. It is critical to seek some support here because your energy and capacity to do anything different will be significantly impaired by your high stress levels. Is there a family member, friend or colleague that you can speak to honestly without fear of judgement? If not, go to a trusted GP and use them as a starting point.
🟠 ORANGE ZONE – Escalating / On Edge
Rising stress, starting to lose regulation. No longer returning the green. Becoming stuck.
“I feel stressed”
“I have too many things to do.”
“I am worried about many things.”
“I’m starting to lose my patience.” “I am too scared to stop doing everything.”
You might feel: anxious, tense, irritable, scattered, overstimulated.
Consider tools that will help soothe your nervous system and honour your energy levels. In this zone, it is sometimes more beneficial to ease your foot off the accelerator pedal just a little. It may be contrary to how you feel, but it will help you in the long run.
🟢 GREEN ZONE – Regulated / Balanced
Low to moderate stress, regulated, open and connected.
“I am feeling good right now.”
“I can handle what’s happening.”
“I feel connected and steady.”
“I’ve got the capacity to deal with this.”
“I feel well.”
This is your optimal zone, where you feel regulated, connected, and flexible. You feel safe, energised, and have the capacity to learn, explore, or grow. This is the ideal zone to stretch yourself if you wish. A note of caution, if you have been out of this zone for a long time, it might be helpful to get used to how it feels before trying to add something new. It can be easy to slip back into orange or down to grey from here, depending on where you have come from.
🔵 BLUE ZONE – Drained / Disengaging
Low energy. Feeling a bit flat from time to time.
“I just want to lie down.”
“I’m tired all the time.”
“I really can’t be bothered going out today.”
“I should do some exercise, but I am so tired.”
You might feel: exhausted, low, disconnected, teary, unmotivated. Many things can drain your energy. Maybe you are dealing with a medical illness or have had recent surgery. Perhaps you have been pushing yourself too hard. Are you doing jobs that other people could be doing? In this zone, it’s essential to pay attention to your low energy. If you know why you are tired, allow yourself the space to rest and seek some professional advice if you can’t seem to get back to where you were before.
⚪️ GREY ZONE – Shut Down / Numb / Exhausted
Very low energy, hypo-aroused, disconnected or shut down.
“What’s the point?”
“I feel nothing.”
“I want to disappear.
“I can’t move or speak.”
In the grey zone, you feel mentally and physically exhausted. You may feel achy all the time. Grey has entirely run out of energy and needs the care and attention of others.
What now?
Take some time to consider what you may be understanding about your emotional state. This would be a good time to make a few notes in a journal to consolidate your thoughts. In the next blog, I will give you some tools that can help you get your nervous system heading back toward the optimal green zone. You can use these as a first step to help you make a better choice for your nervous system. There is no right or wrong in what you choose to do. The best way to determine if something works for you is to give it a try. Remember that the zone where you make the best decisions and have the greatest capacity for growth is in the green zone. Ask yourself, “What do I need to do to move toward the green zone?”
Katrina Gow
Katrina is a compassionate and skilled counsellor dedicated to fostering mental health and resilience. In 2025, she will contribute her expertise as an advisor to a Deakin University project addressing school attendance issues, helping develop strategies for improving educational outcomes. Additionally, Katrina is part of the Victorian Parents Council team and writes insightful blogs for the VPC, offering support and guidance to parents navigating challenges in education and parenting. Through her work, she strives to create positive change in both individual lives and broader community settings.
