As parents, we develop a finely-tuned radar when it comes to our children’s wellbeing. That gut feeling that something isn’t quite right shouldn’t be dismissed. Parental intuition is remarkably accurate. This intuition isn’t limited to physical health; it extends to all aspects of your child’s life. 

When That Feeling Strikes

Perhaps your usually chatty child has become withdrawn after school. Maybe their enthusiasm for learning has mysteriously disappeared, or they’re complaining of frequent headaches on school mornings. Whatever the change, you’ve noticed it because you know your child best.

Have you ever stopped to consider how powerful your unique insight into your child’s personality and behaviour patterns really is? This knowledge gives you a perspective that even the most attentive teacher, managing 20+ students, simply cannot match.

Gathering More Information

Before approaching the school, try these strategies to learn more:

• Create safe conversation spaces: Chat during car rides or walks when your child doesn’t have to make eye contact, which research shows can make difficult conversations easier for kids.
• Ask specific but open-ended questions: Rather than “How was school?” try “What was good about your day today and why?” “What was the best and worst part of your day?” or “Who did you play with at lunch today?”
• Watch for patterns: Keep a simple journal noting changes in behaviour, sleep, appetite, or specific complaints. This documentation can be invaluable when discussing concerns.
• Consider different perspectives: Could there be multiple factors at play? Is your child adjusting to a new development stage, friendship changes, or curriculum challenges?

How might your approach to conversations change if you viewed yourself as a detective, collecting clues rather than pushing for immediate answers?

Approaching the School Constructively

Schools generally welcome parent engagement, but how you approach the conversation matters significantly:

1. Start with the right person: Usually the classroom teacher is your first point of contact. Schools generally encourage, and recommend establishing communication early in the year, before issues arise.
2. Frame it collaboratively: “I’ve noticed some changes in Sam that have me concerned. I was hoping we could put our heads together to understand what might be happening.”
3. Bring specific observations: “Lisa used to read every night, but now resists opening books and says reading is ‘stupid and boring’.”
4. Ask questions rather than make accusations: “Could you help me understand how Jordan is managing friendships during lunch breaks?” works better than “No one is supervising the playground properly.”
5. Set clear next steps: Establish how and when you’ll follow up. “Could we check in via email next week to see if these strategies are helping?”

Have you considered how your approach might influence the school’s receptiveness to working with you?

Working Together for Solutions

Research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies confirms that outcomes for children improve significantly when parents and schools work as genuine partners. This partnership approach might include:

• Shared monitoring: Agree on specific behaviours or issues to observe both at home and school
• Regular check-ins: Establish a communication schedule that works for both parties
• Written plans: For more serious concerns, request an Individual Plan meeting to develop a formal plan
• External expertise: Sometimes involving allied health professionals like psychologists or speech pathologists provides valuable insights

When to Escalate

If your initial approaches don’t resolve the issue, schools have a clear policy and procedure pathway for escalation:

1. Classroom teacher
2. Year level coordinator or wellbeing staff
3. Assistant Principal or Principal

Parents serve as their child’s most powerful advocates—a unique and essential role that cannot be delegated, as no one else possesses their intimate understanding of their child’s needs, potential, and challenges, nor their unwavering commitment to ensuring their child receives the support and opportunities they deserve.

The Power of Persistence

What would change if you viewed advocacy not as confrontation but as collaboration toward a shared goal—your child’s wellbeing?

Your instincts as a parent are one of your child’s greatest protections. By approaching concerns with clarity, evidence and a collaborative spirit, you model powerful advocacy skills while increasing the likelihood of positive outcomes.

Trust yourself. Gather information. Reach out constructively. And remember that persistence—respectful but determined—is often the key to ensuring your child receives the support they need at school.

Jacqui Van de Velde

Jacqui brings over 30 years of experience in education, wellbeing, mental health, and community engagement, spanning both professional and volunteer roles. Her work has taken her across diverse contexts in Australia, and internationally where she has contributed to business, education, and community initiatives. Jacqui is a passionate trainer, speaker, and advocate, dedicated to fostering parent and family engagement, driving positive growth outcomes in education, and supporting professional learning networks and continuing education in the workplace. Her expertise also extends to wellbeing, veteran health, and advocacy, where she works to create meaningful change.

www.vandevelde.com.au