ONLINE GAMING – MAYBE IT’S NOT BAD FOR EVERYONE 

You know that uneasy feeling you get when your child is gaming, for what seems like hours? In fact, it is hours. Your parenting mind tells you it’s not good for them, and they should be outside running around, talking to real people, or maybe helping you with dinner. 

A friend recently recommended that I watch a documentary called The Remarkable Life of Ibelin. I had never heard of it and knew nothing about the story. I discovered a deeply moving account of a young Norwegian gamer named Mats Steen. Mats was born with a rare genetic condition called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy—a progressive, degenerative disease that severely limited his physical abilities. Despite these challenges, the documentary revealed that Mats lived a rich and meaningful life online through the game World of Warcraft, where he found freedom, friendship, and a profound sense of purpose.

World of  Warcraft (often called WoW) is a multiplayer online game where players around the world create characters and enter a vast fantasy universe full of quests, alliances, and adventures. Players can form teams, build friendships, and take on challenges together. It’s not just about fighting monsters—it’s about connection, identity, and even storytelling. For someone like Mats, who had very limited mobility, it offered a way to be a hero, to be free, and to be seen. 

It was not just Mats’ personal story that stayed with me. One of the most powerful moments in the documentary came from another family. Their son, who is autistic, had not left his room in four years. During that time, he did not attend school, rarely spoke to his mother, avoided physical contact, and seemed completely absorbed by gaming. As both a viewer and a parent, I could feel alarm bells going off.

However, what shifted things for this young man was not therapy, threats, or even turning off the Wi-Fi, although those may have been tried before. What changed things was curiosity. His mother made the decision to learn more about the game he was playing. She entered his world not as an intruder, but as a guest. She started interacting with his character and connecting with the people he played with online.

Gradually, the warmth and connection they built through the game began to flow into their real-world relationship. Eventually, he let her hug him. He left his room. He even returned to school. It was not the game alone that brought about this change, but her willingness to meet him where he was. The screen, once a symbol of conflict and disconnection, became a bridge to deeper understanding and renewed closeness.

This is a story that challenges many of our natural parenting instincts. We are often taught to monitor, to limit, and to control. When something feels unfamiliar, like the immersive world of online gaming, it is easy to label it as “bad” or “dangerous,” especially when compared to activities we instinctively value more, such as going outside or socialising face-to-face. But those activities are not easy for everyone. For some children, it can feel overwhelming or even unbearable.

What if, instead of trying to pull our children away from the online spaces they find comfort in, we stepped into those spaces ourselves? What if we were willing to leave the safety of what we know and enter their world with openness and curiosity?

It is important to acknowledge that not all online games are like World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft is immersive, collaborative, and story-driven. It encourages teamwork, long-term goals, and often leads to meaningful friendships within a strong community. But not every game offers that same depth. Some are designed for instant gratification, rapid competition, or endless scrolling and spending.

As parents, we need to recognise these differences. Not all screen time is equal, and not all gaming is inherently negative or without value. What matters is not just how much time our children spend playing, but what they are playing, why they are playing, and who they are playing with.

For some kids, especially those who feel isolated, anxious, or different, gaming can offer something the real world often doesn’t: a level playing field. In a game, they can be the hero. They can join a team, take risks, make friends, and experience a sense of agency and achievement that might feel out of reach in their offline lives.

This doesn’t mean parents abandon all boundaries. Age-appropriate screen time limits, healthy routines, and open conversations about safety still matter. However, it is also important to recognise that for many young people, online spaces are more than just entertainment; they are social, creative, and often deeply personal environments.

 The Remarkable Life of Ibelin reminded me that every child has an inner world seeking understanding, love, connection and acceptance. If you are seeking a better relationship with your child and feel that gaming is getting in the way, consider this: for a time, you may need to meet them where they are, even if that place looks nothing like the childhood you once imagined for them.

If you are a parent who is struggling with your child’s gaming, I invite you to try one slight shift: ask them about it. Give yourself some time to do this so they can see that you are genuinely interested. It may take a few ‘asks’, and you don’t need to understand everything. What matters is showing them that you want to understand who they are better. That simple act could be the first step toward reconnection.

I am not suggesting that gaming is always the answer, or that it should replace real-world relationships and responsibilities. What I do suggest is this: when you invest time and effort into understanding your child’s interests, especially those that may not reflect your own, you help them feel seen, respected, and understood. When a young person feels these things, it strengthens their sense of who they are and tells them that they are ok. 

Katrina Gow

Katrina is a compassionate and skilled counsellor dedicated to fostering mental health and resilience. In 2025, she will contribute her expertise as an advisor to a Deakin University project addressing school attendance issues, helping develop strategies for improving educational outcomes. Additionally, Katrina is part of the Victorian Parents Council team and writes insightful blogs for the VPC, offering support and guidance to parents navigating challenges in education and parenting. Through her work, she strives to create positive change in both individual lives and broader community settings.